That’s No How You Make Porridge…

Promotional Corporate Hampers and a fine Porridge Recipe

photograph of a corporate hamper

It’s a personal mission of mine to educate Australia on how you make porridge.

We’ve all heard that wee boy on the Uncle Tobys’ ads protesting about the new fangled Instant Oats “that’s no how you make porridge” which was 25 years ago (ouch!) and he’s right, there are some things you can’t repackage but conversely a few that do rather well out of a re-imagining. Take promotional corporate hampers for instance where the whole is definately more that the sum of the parts.

Some things in life go well together like cheese and wine, and biscuits and dip. Also liver, fava beans and a nice chianti…

But when you’re unsure of exactly what to give a favoured client or winning team mates, a good idea is to choose a themed selection. Our promotional corporate hampers give you that inspiration and flexibility. The liver may only be manifest in a pate but it still goes well with the accompanying chianti!

Now, back on topic and the one thing you can’t repackage and brand – Scottish Porridge. I think many of the problems facing porridge stem from a poor job by the Scottish Food Export Board who should be marketing the stuff with scantily clad lads and lasses tossing cabers and wooing each other with “you’re pure dead brilliant, so yi are…”.

In the absence though of a hotbed of scintillating Scottish steaminess (is there even such a thing?!), it’s down to pure dead brilliant guys like me to illuminate the nation on exactly how you make porridge…

Traditional Scottish Porridge
Serves 2
Fancy making authentic, traditional Scottish porridge that is neither too thick nor too thin? Then this recipe redefines your preconceptions, producing a porridge that is light and fluffy - how it's been made in my family for generations.
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Cook Time
15 min
Total Time
15 min
Cook Time
15 min
Total Time
15 min
105 calories
6 g
26 g
7 g
4 g
4 g
137 g
140 g
6 g
0 g
2 g
Nutrition Facts
Serving Size
Amount Per Serving
Calories 105
Calories from Fat 62
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 7g
Saturated Fat 4g
Trans Fat 0g
Polyunsaturated Fat 0g
Monounsaturated Fat 2g
Cholesterol 26mg
Sodium 140mg
Total Carbohydrates 6g
Dietary Fiber 0g
Sugars 6g
Protein 4g
Vitamin A
Vitamin C
* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet. Your Daily Values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.
  1. Traditional Porridge Oats - preferably fresh from the highlands of Scotland but the NSW Riverina will do nicely too - but NOT "Instant"
  2. Milk
  3. Cream
  4. Salt
  1. Pour 2 cups of whole cream milk into a saucepan
  2. Add a pinch of salt
  3. Chuck in 3/4 of a cup of porridge oats
  4. Stir that badger on a high heat till it starts to boil, rthen remove and then return to a low simmer.
  5. You should have a consistency of thin broth but under no account add any "mair" porridge oats!
  6. The key to a light, fluffy porridge is to simmer long and slow till the oats release their gelatinous secret ingredient x - the mantle of the porridge should be almost puffy and three dimensional.
  1. The proportions are key to a good porridge - deviate from these instructions and you'll create a block either so chunky you can carve it, or so thin you could pee it through a straw - neither will do.
  2. It's a criminal offence in Scotland to add honey or sugar or fruit or any other sweetener to the National breakfast - this is the ancient fuel of Scots' armies, designed to stick to their ribs and fortify them in battle - there was no sugar cane or fruit in Scotland of old, only porridge, kippers and kind of simplified going out for dinner. They have now added deep-fried Mars Bars and cabbage.
Adapted from Original family recipe
Adapted from Original family recipe
Blog: Promotional Items, Marketing, Branding and Products
a pan of steaming hot porridge with spurtle

Cook Porridge long and slow, and only stir with a Spurtle

And, that’s it – give it a try and I guarantee it will change the way you make porridge. What’s the old saying…”in a world of change, it’s reassuring that some things remain the same”? That works for me.

there was no sugar cane or fruit in Scotland of old, only porridge, kippers and haggis

However if you don’t have the time and a bag of traditional porridge oats (which is an awkward way to woo a client anyway), a promotional corporate hamper is a healthy alternative.

Next week – How to cook and serve Haggis…and Promotional Vomit Bags (gees…they ACTUALLY exist!).